BEMYLUCKYSTAR

Realizing that Ohno decided it was time to put himself first is making me realize it's really time to put myself first too. Life goes on and while we always think Arashi will be a constant in our lives as they have been for all these years, the decision they have presented to us obviously shows they won't be. I know for many keeping up with Arashi's lives has become a mainstay in our day, whether that's checking twitter, lj, chatting for updates. But maybe this is a sign we need to scale back and refocus. Maybe it’s a sign we need to focus on ourselves rather than live the lives of other people. It’s safe to say we do become rejuvenated with their presence and they know that, but perhaps this impending hiatus is something we’ve wanted all along. I know Arashi has saved us from the pressures of life and we turn to them when we need a scapegoat. But they are real people too. People who face the pressures of life in their own way, people who need vacation, who need to escape from the world they live in. They have allowed us to be their scapegoat for however long we’ve been their fan and I say it’s time for us to give them their escape as well. I had difficulties coming to terms with this and I think I will continue to because they have made that much of an impact on my life. Ohno deserves the world for all the happiness he’s given us. He has suffered so much for us, probably a lot more than we can imagine. As an adult, I know it’s difficult to make these life changing decisions and I want to be able to go out with them on a high note. I want to be able to realize I can grow stronger with out the support Ohno and the rest of Arashi have given me, because maybe it is enough and I am just not willing to let go of them. This is something I want to strive for. They have given me so much more than I could ask for.

I know we have our fears. My fears from this impending hiatus include:

• Ohno will never come back
• Arashi will never be 5 again
• They’ll never see each other again
• I will never see them again
• I will never find comfort and warmth seeing them together ever again
• My ever constant source of sunshine will never be replenished

And this is what I can think of right now. I hope in time I will come to term with these whether they become true or not, but as a half-glass empty personality, these, along with other thoughts that haven’t even come into my head, will remain hanging over my head for the time being. But I want to hold on to their words that they will spend the time remaining putting all their strength into spending time with us however they can. I find comfort knowing that they love each other both individually and as a group to far more reaches than I can think of. I find comfort knowing that they have the powerful conviction of Arashi is only Arashi with the 5 of them.

I had a lot of trouble processing everything. A lot more than I originally thought. The more I thought about it the more I realized how ingrained Arashi is into my whole being. They have helped create who I am, my personality, my dress, my way of talking and communicating. I grappled at this guilty feeling of thinking of myself when there was one of the five in front of me telling me this is something he needed. From the get go, Ohno’s decision to take a break was relatable and I understood completely. Being a fan for these almost 10 years, I have completely empathized with his “why”, with their “why". The reason why I felt so lost in processing the news I think was partly because I felt guilty for thinking of the things I would be losing. I would be losing something special that has been part of my life for so long. I am a mere speck in their eyes, but they know how to treat fans as individuals. They have this understanding and support for us that not many can recreate. Losing them means losing a part of myself and this is something I had difficulty accepting. I felt guilty making this about me when I needed to realize people also need to take the time to better themselves, just as I have before. I know it will take time and the processing of this whole impending hiatus is sure going to take a long time, but as of right now I don’t want to dwell in the sorrows of it, but instead I will choose to walk with them and celebrate each day, just as they said.

It’s difficult to explain to others what Arashi means to me. Arashi are nothing but life changing for me. Little did I know random google searches while putting off studying during finals week in university would lead me to them. Little did I know I would be willing to take on a brand new language and travel the world for them. Little did I know I would learn so much about myself because of them. They have most definitely built the character of who I am today and they have allowed me to be me. Although I am nothing but 1 in the, currently, 2.6 million people part of their official fan club, I owe them all the gratitude I have in me for allowing me to be their fan and I have nothing but respect for both their work and personal ethics. For being able to be inspired by their hard working and eclectic personalities, their drive and determination, their humility and honesty, and most of all their love for each other throughout their 20+ years working in the harsh and sometimes cruel industry of entertainment. They are unlike any others in this type of spotlighted position. Knowing they are taking this time to build their individual characters and rediscover who they are as. While the initial shock is still settling in, I know all too well that time will eventually heal the heart. And in 2 years time when we truly go our separate ways, maybe I’ll be ready but maybe I won’t. But I do know their presence in my life will never leave and I’ll continue to live life encouraged by the determination and humility of who they are to discover and strive for what I want in life.